Tay Tay's Advice is Writing Gold!

“You really think the world cares about your pain?”

Taylor Swift turned slowly toward the interviewer, a smile peeking through the corner of her lips. 

"I mean, apparently they do," she said. "I’ve built ten albums on breakups and betrayal."

“Right, but doesn’t it get… exhausting?” the journalist asked.

Tay-Tay leaned forward. 

“You know what’s exhausting? Pretending everything’s okay when it’s not. The truth is—pain writes better lyrics than happiness ever could.”

READ. THAT. AGAIN!!

Whether you’re a Swiftie or not, you can’t deny she’s tapped into a universal truth: pain makes us better artists. Better songwriters, better storytellers, better people.

As a writer, you have battle scars too. Maybe you’ve buried them under your job, your laughter, or perfectly planned vacations. But your story—your real story—is in there, bruises and all.

And it’s time to let it out.

Let’s go!

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Why Pain = Power

The most powerful writing doesn’t come from a polished outline—it comes from the places where life knocked us sideways. Divorce. Grief. Rejection. Aging. Loneliness. Illness. Fear. Failure. That is the raw material of meaningful art.

But here’s the deal: you have to be willing to go there.

That’s where the phrase “no pain, no gain” becomes more than a gym slogan. It becomes a writing practice.

Here are six creative exercises to help you lean into your pain and alchemize it into storytelling that connects deeply—and sells.

1. The Wound Timeline

Make a list of your top 5–10 most painful experiences. For each, answer:

• What happened?
• How did it change you?
• What have you never said out loud about it?

Now ask yourself: What universal truth does this reveal?

This is the beating heart of your writing. Readers don’t just want your story—they want to see themselves in your story. Pain is the bridge that transports them there.

2. Letter to the One Who Hurt You

No filters. No fancy writing. Just raw honesty.

Write a letter (you’ll never send) to the person who hurt you most. Tell them everything—what they did, how it affected you, and what you wish they knew.

Then re-read it and ask yourself:

• Is there a character here?
• Is there a theme (betrayal, forgiveness, revenge)?
• Is this a scene I could fictionalize or use as memoir?

This practice transforms emotional clutter into literary clarity.

Bunny trail: the first two books I ghostwrote were based on sermon transcripts. The author didn't include stories in his message and I had zero access to him. None! So…I wrote hypothetical stories (no, I didn’t state they were true). If there was an antagonist in the story, I named them after people who hurt me.

It hurt so good!

3. The Body Speaks

Pain isn’t just mental—it’s physical. As my (therapist) wife, Kelley, says, “The body keeps the score.”

Set a timer for 15 minutes. Sit quietly and notice your body. Where are you tense? What memories or emotions show up there?

Now write from that place. Literally.

Here’s an example: “I am the knot in your stomach the night you drove home after the diagnosis.”

Or: “I am the ache in your shoulder where you carry every ‘should’ you’ve ever swallowed.”

Writing from the body helps bypass your inner critic and access deeper emotional truth.

4. Turn Your Pain Into a Parable

Take one painful life event and rewrite it as a fable or allegory. Turn yourself into a character—a lion, a tree, a ship lost at sea.

What lesson emerges? What transformation occurs?

This technique help you tap into collective unconscious. It also lets you tell the truth slant, as Emily Dickinson said—making it feel safer to explore painful content.

5. Rewrite the Ending

Pick a painful memory and write it as it actually happened. Then, write it again—with a different ending. Let your younger self speak up. Fight back. Say what you never said. Take the road not taken.

This isn’t just therapeutic—it’s empowering.

It turns you from victim to author. And that shift? That’s the beginning of a book readers will never forget.

6. Ask the Pain What It Wants

Yes, it sounds woo-woo. But trust me—this one’s powerful.

Close your eyes. Imagine your pain as a person sitting across from you. Ask it:

• Why are you here?
• What are you trying to teach me?
• What story do you want me to write?

Then,  write down what comes up. Don’t edit. Don’t judge. You might be shocked at what you see.

I do this all the time in my daily journaling.

Pain isn’t your enemy—it’s your ghostwriter.

You Don’t Need a Perfect Life. You Need a Real One.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the father of “flow,” taught that creativity often comes not from ease, but from challenge. The best writing happens when you’re honest—even if that honesty feels like ripping off a Band-Aid that’s been there for decades.

You’ve lived. You’ve lost. You’ve learned. Regardless of your age. But don’t let that wisdom stay locked in your head or your heart.

Let it out on the page in your book.

Because somewhere out there is a reader who needs exactly your story—pain and all.

Let’s Turn Your Pain into Purpose

If this blog stirred something in you—if you felt your chest tighten or your throat get all lumpy—don’t ignore it.

That’s your story asking to be written.

Schedule a time with me and let’s explore how to shape the hardest moments of your life into a book that heals, connects, and inspires.

Your pain has a purpose. Let’s find it—together.

Here are two more happy Illumify authors who pushed through the pain of writing their book...

Congratulations to Kaye Edwards on the release of Hunt With Your Pack. In her book, Kaye explains why networking is not enough. You'll learn 

why we build relationships, the role of relationship-building in an enterprise, and how to reap the benefits of relationship investments, just like we reap the benefits of our financial investments.

Last Saturday, I joined Lowry Foster at the book launch party for his book Illuminating Angels. His daughter created a beautiful painting that Lowry wanted to use for his cover. Because the painting was fairly big, I met him at a shop that could capture high resolution artwork photos. 

Afterward, I sent the image to my cover designer who created one of the most breath-taking covers I have ever seen. Congratulations, Lowry, on your beautiful book!

In his full-color release, Lowry dispels common myths about angels and reveals the role they play in the Bible and in our lives. What I like best about his book is that he writes in a narrative style.

Let’s bring your book to life!